


when i wake up i'm afraid

by saintjoy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Commitment, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Love, M/M, Polyamory, Poor Kags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 04:44:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4046464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa has commitment issues, and Kageyama doesn't feel like he matters.</p><p>  <i>(Written for the SASO 2015, br 1)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	when i wake up i'm afraid

Kageyama woke up in the morning in bed. The fan in the corner sputtered in a weak attempt to combat the humid air wafting in through the open window. It was the late morning; he wasn't used to waking up any later than nine, but after the night he had, a few extra hours of sleep was a blessing.  
  
He rolled over and saw Oikawa sleeping next to him. His heart throbbed. Faint marks trailed down Oikawa's naked neck and disappeared below the covers. They weren't from him, and it wasn't like Oikawa took any care to hide that fact. Oikawa had many lovers other than him, and Kageyama went into this relationship – if he could even call it that – acknowledging that he wouldn't be the only, the true love, the one out of a million. Only in bed did Oikawa whisper how good he was, how much better he was than everybody else.   
  
Kageyama always believed him in the moment. His faith didn't ever carry over to the next morning.  
  
"Tooru." It had taken a while for him to learn how to switch names in public versus in private, but by now he'd mastered it. Oikawa's eyelashes didn't so much as flutter.  _"Tooru."_  Kageyama placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him a bit. "Wake up."  
"Hm?" Oikawa awoke with a yawn, turning over so he was on his back. He rubbed his eyes and pulled back the covers, exposing more of his bare chest and the scratches on his sides. Kageyama knew he left those, at least. "What is it, Tobio?"  
"Good morning."  
Oikawa smiled. "Is it still morning? I was hoping to sleep until at least noon."  
"I think it's still morning. You knocked the clock off the desk last night."  
"No,  _you_  did that. You were just so desperate for me that a tornado could've swept through my room and I would've never know the difference." Oikawa winked at him with a chuckle. Kageyama frowned. "Aw, what's the matter, Tobio? Had a nightmare?"  
"Don't talk to me like I'm a child," Kageyama muttered, wiggling himself forward so he could latch onto Oikawa's arm and press his head against his shoulder.  _Should he tell him? Should he ask? Should he say a word? Would he even care?_  "I."  
"Tobio, you're crying."  
  
He didn't realize when the tears started forming in the corners of his eyes but before he knew it they were spilling down his cheeks. A tear slipped up his nose and he sniffled. "I'm sorry."  
"Tobio." Oikawa nuzzled Kageyama's cheek and he wished that the touch of his lips meant as much to Oikawa as it meant to him. "What're you getting so worked up about? What even happened?"  
The more Kageyama waited, the more agitated Oikawa would get. He didn't want Oikawa to be mad at him. (But, he'd be mad either way, so what did he have to lose?)  
"Do I matter to you?"  
Oikawa stopped breathing for a moment and Kageyama swore he was going to choke him. "Do you... matter to me?"  
"Yeah."  
"What a stupid question." Kageyama flinched and more tears gushed out of his eyes. He clutched onto Oikawa's arm. "Why would I sleep with you if I didn't care about you?"  
"But you don't." Kageyama swallowed. "You don't even pay attention to me otherwise."  
"You're not special in that regard. I don't pay anyone else more attention."  
"So why  _me?_  If you could have anyone else, and I'm not any different, then why're you even bothering with me?" His breathing grew heavier.  _Fuck, fuck, don't panic. That wouldn't be good. Please don't panic._    
The long silence that followed didn't help to quell his anxiety. Finally, Oikawa sighed and rolled onto his back again to stare at the ceiling. His hand didn't leave Kageyama's cheek.  
"I don't like commitment."  _Quite obviously,_  Kageyama wanted to bark. "But it's easier committing to you than anyone else."  
  
It wasn't what Kageyama was looking for, but it was the best he was going to get. At this point, at least.  
"Okay."   
Despite the humidity, Kageyama wrapped an arm around Oikawa's waist and rested his lips against the back of his neck. Oikawa giggled at the tickling sensation of his breath. Kageyama's breath evened out, but before he could fall asleep, he heard a tender whisper from Oikawa's mouth:  
  
"I love you, Tobio."

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by [bezukhovs.](http://bezukhovs.dreamwidth.org)
> 
> "When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place  
> When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might end up being me." – [Afraid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrWwtU7iyl0), The Neighbourhood


End file.
